What a week! It was a week of many emotions but it was a good week. In the midst of our loss we could celebrate because daddy was finally freed from the earthly bonds that held him and he was now home with Jesus. Free. Whole. Happy. Redeemed. My brother Rich and I “highfived” after the service. We had done it. We had seen him through and cared for him as a family the best we could these last three years. I won’t pretend it was easy or smooth sailing, the seas were mighty rough at times. We had tried to talk to mother before she died and asked her advice on how to care for daddy. It was not helpful. Everything we suggested, she said would not work, so we had to choose a won’t work option and make it work. We really began to understand the burden she had been carrying. Dementia is a cruel taskmaster and it did not treat daddy well. We kept reminding ourselves this was not daddy, it was his disease. But it was daddy, with the disease. It was his worse fear coming true.
So this week as we began to prepare for his service, we reminiscenced our memories, put together a picture powerpoint, set up a display of memorabilia, prepared a sermon and graveside service meditation, choose our songs, wrote an obituary, designed a bulletin, notified family and friends, and all the many details that went with it, something happened, something good and profound. We dug past the last three years and the daddy of old began resurfacing. We remembered his faith stories, his smile, his humor, his church work, his life stories, his quirks, his habits and his personality. We remembered the love he had for mother and how he and mother modeled a good marriage. We remembered hard work, fun times, and discipline. We remembered his favorite song, his favorite verse and his favorite foods. It was healing. It was comforting. It was freeing. We were given the remembrance of the gift of a godly heritage.
We experienced the love and comfort of family, extended family, friends and neighbors. Some came from hundreds of miles and some from across the road. Some were friends from years gone by who we hadn’t seen in years but had come to let us know they cared and the impact daddy had on their lives.
Daddy and mother had lived a good full life-70 years together. They had traveled extensively in their later years and developed many friendships. They opened their home to two different girls who lived with them for a period of time. Daddy was a dairy farmer but his real passion was ministry. He pastored at Morning View Mennonite Church for twenty-four years and was interim pastor at Faith Mennonite Church in South Boston for two years. They had four children, thirteen grandchildren and thiry-nine great-grandchildren. Their quiver was full!
The day of the burial and Celebration of Life we were ready. We were ready to speak freely and honestly about our parents and honor them with gratitude for the rich and godly heritage they had lived and given to us. Rich gave the graveside meditation and the grand and great-grandchilden sang “I’m Pressing On the Upward Way”. It was beautiful. During the service several of the grandchildren had special music, Eileen and I both shared a tribute and Ed preached the sermon. Yes we got a little emotional at times but it was good and we feel so blessed and honored to call Dwight Heatwole our dad.
One other very special thing that we did for mother and daddy……. Ed and Rich together built their caskets. Eileen prepared the inside lining and pillows.
Karmen designed and printed an individualized plaque for each of them that we put on the inside lid of the casket. They were so creative and professionally done. Mothers plaque had all our names in a border around the plaque. There was a cascade of flowers with sewing/quilting objects enterwined and a verse that represented the godly person she was. Proverbs 31:28.
Daddy’s had an engraving of his favorite verse (Philippians 3:12b), the farm house with the stone wall fence and the huge elm tree at the front corner of the house. All our names are engraved on the leaves of the tree.
When the time came to take daddy’s casket to the funeral home, Ed and Rich took it in the back of Ed’s pickup. The pickup had been daddy’s pride and joy. Even when he had forgotten lots of other things, he would ask over and over where his pickup was and maybe five minutes later ask again. We were always glad to tell him that Ed had it.
Pat’s Tribute to Daddy
This past Sunday we visited daddy. He was failing fast, and we knew that we knew it would not be much longer, but it was rather shocking when we walked into his room. We wondered if each labored breath would be his last. We sang to him a few songs about heaven. I prayed with him and told him how much I loved him, shared with him that he would soon see Jesus and gave him permission to go home to Jesus.
As long as I can remember, daddy’s favorite song was “Sweet By and By”. As we sang it visibly affected him even though he was barely with us. Remember when we used to have song services? Whenever daddy was given an opportunity, he requested #630 in the Church Hymnal. It may sound rather odd, but even when he was Bible School superintendent, he would often close with that song. Daddy had a heart that was sensitive to, looked forward and yearned for the coming again of Jesus and the promise of that land that was fairer than day. Ironically, he had to wait 93 years! On the farm there was a path that went through the field from the house to the barn. A power line was strung overhead. He was known to say that each morning when he went to the barn to milk, he would look up to see if the power lines were in place and then would say, “Jesus, will it be today?”
I knew daddy as a strong man of God, and he was intentional about living out his faith. Every morning, we had devotions at the breakfast table and would sing a hymn. If we were running a little late or our ride to EMHS was a little early, they had to wait until he was finished.
Almost all of my church memories are from Zion Hill. Daddy served in many different roles; Sunday School teacher, Superintendent, youth leader, Bible School teacher and superintendent and after I left home as pastor at Morning View and Faith. I remember at one point he bought a van just so he could pick up children and bring them to Sunday School, church, and Bible School.
He was a creative teacher and superintendent. One time he built a little train to collect soap for missions. He liked visuals and did things like hanging up strings of Christmas lights at Bible School so the children to turn on their light when they came. For years he was known as the “Candy Man” at church. The children would watch for when he came to church carrying a little brown paper bag filled with suckers which he would stash behind the pulpit until after church. I remember one incident involving Keith Harman. Daddy gave him a sucker and Gladys told him he couldn’t eat it until after lunch. Daddy told the smitten little boy to go ahead and “suck it”. I’m not sure how he got by with that one!
Daddy served for a number of years as Virginia Mennonite Conference Secretary and was responsible for getting the MCC meat canner to come to Harrisonburg. They exceeded their goal of 120 head of beef. He also set up a freezer for people to donate frozen vegetables, meat and soups for missionaries home on furlough. Daddy served as prison chaplain at the Linville Prison Camp for a lot of years. He was highly respect and earned enough trust from the officials that they sometimes allowed him to bring a few of the men to the farm or take them to church.
Daddy was a man of order and self-discipline. He was never late anywhere. We were always the first ones to arrive at church (30 minutes early) and would sit in the car in the parking lot waiting for others to arrive. His farm was always mowed, trimmed, and painted. He milked on time. If he started at 4:20 in the afternoon, he would sit on the stone retainer wall outside the barn and wait for 4:20. He would not start one minute early. He would count down, 10-9-8-7…1 and up we would jump! We ate our meals on time. Mother could see from the kitchen window when daddy was walking the path to the house and when he came in the door, she had the meal on the table.
Daddy and mother put a lot of effort into their grandchildren. They bought an RV and took their grandchildren out west or other camping trips. They let several of their granddaughters live with them while they went to college, and several gardened with them. They made several trips to Canada to see Kendra when she lived in Red Lake. They bought four-wheelers, motorcycles, go-carts, and a ping pong and pool table for them to have fun things to do when they came to his house.
I just finished reading through Deuteronomy. God had told Moses to get ready to die and most of the book is Moses speaking to the children of Israel reminding them of what God had done for them, encouraging them to set up memorials and to tell their children what they meant so that they would know and remember God’s faithfulness. I want to tell a couple of stories of God’s faithfulness to daddy, how he experienced God.
When daddy was a little boy in the beginners Sunday School class at Bethany, he had one of his favorite single aunts, Aunt Martha, as his teacher. She offered him a surprise gift if he would pay attention and not be disturbing to her or the others in the class. Daddy said he worked hard and did his best. When the day came, she gave him a china mother dog with three little puppies. He was one happy, proud little boy and guarded them carefully. He said, “I was very possessive of them”.
One day his mother wanted to make a sand garden for the small stand that was Just inside the living room door. She put sand in a fish aquarium and then added many little objects to create an attractive scene. She wanted to borrow his little dogs and after struggling with the decision decided she could use them.
One day two of his younger brothers were chasing each other with one in hot pursuit. They dashed through the kitchen, into the living room and then went for the stairway that led to the safety of the bathroom with a lock. As they rounded the corner, they knocked over the stand and everything went crashing to the floor. Alas, his little dog was broken, and he let everyone know his displeasure with his crying.
Being a wise mother, she quieted him and talked to him about forgiveness and let him know he had to forgive them. Then she glued the dog back together and helped him work through restoring his relationship with his brothers. Daddy said, “Praise God for a mother that would not let him hold a grudge”. He and his brothers became the best of friends. Those china dogs were a treasured memorial that always set in the living room and reminded him of his first experience with forgiveness. He loved to tell us the story. He said, “Rich blessings sometimes come out of painful experiences.”
Another experience happened much later in life.
During daddy’s farming years a difficult situation developed with a neighbor. When daddy told the story to his church, he called them by fictious names, Abraham and Sarah. I will do the same. Abraham developed an intense hatred for daddy and was vocal about it. Twenty-three years went by, and every time the man saw daddy, he would tell him how much he hated him.
One Saturday the phone rang, and Abraham said, “I want you to come over. I have something for you.” Daddy was caught off guard and hesitantly said he would come. But after getting off the phone and thinking about it for about 15 minutes he decided he did not want to go. He called Abraham back and said he would not come.
A little later, Abraham’s grandson knocked on his door with a bushel of apples. Daddy was stunned. He accepted the gift and then told mother to make a pie, he wanted to take it to Abraham. After thinking about it a little he realized something profound was happening and it required more than a pie. He went out to his work shop, and he saw a magazine rack that he had just finished making. He decided to take it to Abraham.
Daddy took one of his granddaughters with him and they went to Abraham’s house. Sarah invited him in. Abraham, who was 92 years old, was sitting at the kitchen table and there was an obvious change with him- a look of joy and a happy smile on his face. Daddy thanked him for the apples and gave him his gift. Abraham gushed over the magazine rack, exclaiming how beautiful it was. And then an amazing thing happened. They talked and asked forgiveness of each other and a relationship was restored.
That night daddy had a vision. He was driving a four-wheeler through one of his fields and came to a small pond of water-maybe 12 feet across. The water in it was crystal clear and stunningly beautiful. He looked up at the sky and it was dark. Out of the stormy clouds a waterfall spouted out and water cascaded down to the little pond. He became aware he was on holy ground and as he stood there he was baptized with the Holy Spirit. From that point on he felt a special anointing on the pastoral ministry. This was a Saturday night, and do you know what he had planned to preach on in the morning? The Holy Spirit. He emotionally shared that experience with his congregation that morning. Again, he experienced sweet forgiveness, and it had a deep impact on his ministry.
One more story.
A man who lived in the church community developed an intense dislike for daddy and his ministry, threatening his life, telling him that if he drove up the road past his house on Sunday, he would shoot him. The man was very aware of what time daddy drove past his house. After much prayer and discernment, daddy decided not to be intimidated and put his life in God’s hands. That Sunday he and mother decided to drive separate vehicles and they drove up the road past the man’s house to church as they always did. That was the end of the intimidation. God had revealed himself again in a powerful way to daddy.
There are many more stories I could share. As daddy struggled through his journey with dementia I often prayed that he would never loose his God consciousness. Sunday night as I prayed for daddy, I pleaded for God’s mercy. I awoke extra early Monday morning and again daddy was heavy on my mind. I thought of Psalms 116:15, “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.” The word precious really hit me. Precious is a powerful emotion-filled word. It means something of great value or high price, highly esteemed, cherished. I reminded God of that verse and claimed it for daddy. Within a very short time I got the call. Daddy was gone. Precious to God was the death of daddy. Daddy was highly esteemed and cherished by Jesus who paid a high and heavy price for all of our sins. Daddy longed for the day when he would see the land that was fairer than day. By faith he could see it afar. He knew his Father that waited over the way and was preparing a dwelling place there. Yes daddy, in the sweet by and by we will meet on that beautiful shore.
Eileen’s Tribute to Daddy
Over the years daddy and I became more than just father and daughter-in-law, we became friends.
Daddy was a man of many talents and skill. He was willing to try things. Some of those skills were farmer, preacher, woodworker, etc. But he had a talent that as far as I know he only used one time. That is the one I want to tell you about today.
One day daddy called me and aske me if I would go on a date with him. When your father-in-law ask for a date you say, “Sure, I would love to go.” “Where are we going?” I asked. Much to my surprise the fabric store!
Daddy explained to me that mother made quilts for all her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren and that even included the one born this week on Tuesday (the day after he died), my granddaughter, Hannah Grace. He said mother blessed so many people with quilts and he wanted to bless her by making her a quilt.
I must confess at this point I was a little bit skeptical but off to the fabric store I went where I was to meet up with daddy. When I arrived mother also got out of the car. Daddy said she wanted to come along, BUT she promised she would not say anything.
Now the fun of picking fabric begins. Mother didn’t say anything but she stood about two steps behind daddy where I could see her but daddy could not.
Daddy would pull out fabric and mother would give non verbal advice. I remember he pulled out an orange fabric that he thought might look good. Mother’s reaction was…. (she shook her head no and with her finger sliced across her throat)!!! So I knew I had to make sure that it did not make the cut.
He bought his fabric and thanked me for the date and off he went to sew. When it was ready to quilt I asked daddy, “Who will quilt your quilt?” Daddy promptly said, “I have lady friends who quilt.” So he planned quilting parties-some of you may have part of one of those.
(Show quilt)
Some years went by and daddy had another question for me. He was at VMRC. He looked so lost and he motioned me over to his side and asked, “Eileen, where am I?”
Well daddy, today I can joyfully say, “You are home. Welcome home good and faithful servant.”
You are home.
Several links:
- Memoir of Daddy-2024 (Picture video)
- Graveside: Grand and great-grandchildren singing “I’m Pressing On the Upward Way”.
- Celebration of Life Service-March 8, 2024
