Country Chatter

Last week at this very moment we were laying mother to rest in a cemetery with friends and family gathered around. It was a sobering moment; quiet, respectful, sad, reflective and yet full of hope that we would see her again one day. Her plot is on a slight hill facing east with the Massanutten Mountain range in the background. My brother Ed spoke about mother’s beautiful garden and how a seed is planted to be resurrected. The grand and greatgrandchildren gathered together and sang, “Blessed Assurance, Jesus is Mine”.

The memorial service followed; songs of worship flowed from our hearts; “A Wonderful Savior is Jesus My Lord, Sweet Peace, the Gift of God’s Love and In the Sweet By and By”. There were loving tributes and a message based on her favorite verse, Ephesians 3:20, by another brother, Rich.

I have had a lot of thoughts and emotions this week. I wonder what is she doing? What is she experiencing? What is heaven like? I was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. The care for mother took it’s toil but we were so blessed to be able to do it. We did what we wanted to do. One part of me grieves our loss and the other part is so glad and relieved she is free from suffering.

Like the rose at the beginning of the blog, her time had come. She had lived her appointed time and lived it well. I gently lifted the head of the wilted rose and its beauty is still there, lingering on.

My Tribute to Mother (read at the service)

In May, just before mother became bedfast, I convinced her to let me take her for a ride in her wheelchair outside on the driveway. It was a beautiful day; the sun was shining, and the crabapple and cherry trees were in full bloom and the mockingbird was flurrying about. Mother had been resisting the idea of the wheelchair tucked in the corner of the living room, so I called it her chariot.  As we walked, I mentioned to her that Elijah was in a chariot when he went to heaven. She thought a moment and said, “What will you do if I go now?” I said, “I will watch you go and then pick up your coat.” She smiled and said, “That is a good answer.”

I thought what a wonderful way that would be to go.  She didn’t leave me there staring at the sky, but I have thought about it many times.  Mothers’ chariot has now come and gone, and I didn’t get to see her go, so there was no coat to pick up, but her legacy lingers on.

Mother specifically asked that we not talk about all the things that she has done in life, so I want to talk a little about her character; the things she has left us that are far more important than earthly treasures or things she accomplished.  Proverbs 31 talks about a virtuous woman; her characteristics and what she does. But tucked in verse 25 at the end of the chapter it says, “Strength and dignity (or honor) are her clothing. She will rejoice in time to come.”

Words that describe mother are gracious hostess, serving heart, kind, loyal friend and peaceful. She liked things neat, clean and in order. Mother was a quiet woman, never raising her voice.  She spoke with authority, love and respect. When mother spoke, we listened, and we respected her. We knew mother and daddy were a team and we knew better than to try and pit one against the other.  Mother always respected and stood by daddy and her church, doing her best to walk along side and support whatever it was that was happening.  Mother was not an upfront person and mostly served behind the scenes. For over 20 years, she supported daddy in his ministry as a pastor’s wife at Morning View Mennonite Church, encouraging and praying.  She was a gracious hostess and exceptional cook, and many were blessed to sit around her dining room table. Remember her cinnamon buns, doughnuts, hot homemade bread and rolls, dandelion salad, cookie and candy trays at Christmas, homemade potato chips, ginger snaps, pork cake, buckwheat pancakes, and Graham Cracker Fluff?

She knew who liked what and exactly how much to cook for her tribe of 60 plus. It was amazing how she could make the food for a large group come out exactly right, down to the last lima bean. Daddy did not like leftovers.

 One of her few acts of defiance-it may have been her only, was one Christmas some of the moms were complaining about the luscious homemade cookie and candy tray mother had out for the taking before the evening meal that was spoiling the little children’s appetite.  Mother picked the tray up, marched into the living room and as she announced, “I will put it out if I want to,” she stumbled, and cookie and candies went flying across the room. That made an extremely funny, and memorable memory we have all remembered-as it was so unlike her!

Mother made many quilts and baby quilts that were gifted to each of us children and grandchildren. She made many comforters for Christian Aid Ministries. When the granddaddaughters were young, mother made cute dresses for them at Christmas time. They would all line up and have their picture taken with her.

Mother was a disciplined, faithful follower of Jesus. She knew and loved the Word. Mother truly represented a woman of strength and honor. Many of you have mentioned her kind and gracious spirit.  Like the writer of Proverbs said, “Strength and dignity (honor) are her clothing -or the mantle she leaves behind. Her time has now come to rejoice

A few other links:

Graveside Service

Memorial Service

There daddy sits, all day long just looking out the window at whatever there is to see. He has a good view from the window. It is very entertaining to watch all that is happening at his son’s place and their grandchildren riding the four-wheeler, mowing the lawn, working in the garden, and all the comings and goings. He can see the Massanutten Mountain Range in the distance and the rolling farmland in between. He watches the deer grazing on the far hillside. But Daddy has dementia and it is hard for him to process all that is happening. The chair of his beloved wife of 70 years is empty. Never again will mother sit in that chair; her days on earth are drawing to a close.

There are a lot of things happening in the house but daddy mostly tunes it out, choosing instead to sit in the dark and stare out the window. Is it emotionally safer for him?

He recalls the stories of the past, repeating them over and over. There was the time he was put in “jail” by his brother and sister. He was locked in the corn crib and forgotten. Lunch time came and when he didn’t show to eat, the offending siblings suddenly remembered when father asked where was Dwight. He laughs with glee when he recalls the dare between his brother Dewitt, and himself. Daddy went first, sticking his rear out from behind the shed. Dewitt aimed his BB gun and missed but when it was daddy’s turn to shoot he did not miss! There was a Sunday morning when numerous of the children were in the car waiting for their parents to go to church. The house sat on a hill and the driveway was fairly steep. Suddenly one of the children (he can never remember which one) put the car in neutral and the car started rolling down the hill. In a split second, all the children in the front seat magically were in the backseat. He has church stories, bull stories, farm stories, childhood stories and vividly remembers walking the two miles to downtown Bridgewater to school and back even when the weather conditions were harsh.

Daddy sees the empty chair and feels lost, lonely and sad. He wants mother to come to the table to eat and often sets a place for her. He wants her to drive him to church. Mother can no longer do those things. He misses her presence, companionship, cooking and care.

An empty chair is a sad reminder of a more pleasant time; a time when life was normal, happy, busy and satisfying. A time when they did everything together as a couple; worked, traveled, entertained guests, gardened, went to church, and prayed. It is a reminder of when he was in control of his house affairs and together they were a team. All of that has changed and he no longer knows how to connect the dots. Instead of being the provider for his wife he watches others be her caregiver. Instead of being able to make the decisions about what is happening, he helplessly watches “his role” managed by others. He lives in the day, but it alludes and befuddles his reasoning.

There are now a lot of empty chairs in the house; the stool at the sewing machine, mother’s chair at the kitchen table, the lazy boy by the lamp, her seat in the car, the front porch chair where together they enjoyed the day and watched the sun set in the evenings, her spot on the bench at church, and the lawn chair on the back porch where they shelled beans. These were mother’s special places.

Special empty chairs leave big gaping holes in the heart. In daddy’s words, “I am crying inside”. We pray for patience, compassion, sensitivity and wisdom. If you think of our family, please lift us and daddy to our Heavenly Father.

Happy birthday, Mother. It was fun celebrating with you on Sunday. Here are a few pictures of the day for you to enjoy.

We celebrated mother’s birthday at our annual Showalter (Mother’s side of the family) Christmas luncheon.

Mark Showalter Jr & Dorothy…Mother’s brother

Rhoda Wenger…Mother’s Sister

George Brenneman Jr. ….Mother’s first cousin

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We had lots of good food. This is the beautiful dessert table.

I can see someone was in the tray of truffles….before we even started to eat!!!

You know Robert and Lois Wenger are in house when a huge platter of delicious,  freshly made, melt-in-your mouth, homemade doughnuts arrive! I broke one in half-you know, thinking I would be “good”. That was gone before I could get back to the table so I went right back and got the other half. No diet for today!

We had two beautiful cakes….

Creation by Rhonda Borntrager.

A masterpeice by Eric Blosser.

A few thoughts about “Home” by Pat Hertzler.

Some old pictures.

Two special songs dedicated to mother by Micah Heatwole, Marj & Rich Heatwole, Phil & Evelyn Borntrager.

Words and prayer of blessing over Mother by Ed and Eileen Heatwole.

The great-grandchildren singing “Happy Birthday”.

Aren’t they aging well?

Home

by Pat Hertzler

Happy birthday Mother. 90 years. Wow!

I was talking to mother last week and she said, “I can’t believe I am ninety.” We talked a little bit about how blessed she and daddy were to be this age and to be as healthy as they are. And yes, they need more help than they used to, but they are still independent and doing amazingly well.

As I thought about a few words to share today, I centered on the word “Home”.

When I think of home, I think of three stages in life.

1. The home we are born into-one you did not choose.
2. The home we choose to make.
3. And our final eternal home.

The word “home” can conjure many different feelings and emotions for folks. Hopefully for you, your thoughts of home bring back good memories.

I think all of us here today in this room are benefits of the home mother, along with all her siblings, were born into; the family of Mark and Amanda Showalter.

Granddaddy Showalter was an enterprising, successful business man. He started a feed mill on the farm and later moved it down the road by the railroad tracks in Broadway. He established Broadway Metal Works, was instrumental in starting Virginia Mennonite Retirement Home and was very active in church work. (example: Stephens City). How many of you worked in one of these businesses through the years? Before I was married, I worked at Virginia Mennonite Retirement  Home-in food services. Mother remembers that Granddaddy-or her daddy-was a very busy man and he and grandmother were very dependent on their children for labor. Grandmother was a supportive wife and mother.

Mother had to stay out of school two years to help on their farm which put her behind at EMHS and in the class of a handsome young man by the name of Dwight Heatwole.

Daddy and Mother, after dating several years, decided to get married and create their own home. This was a home they could chose to create. Richard, Evelyn, Ed and I are privileged to call them mother and daddy.

For us kids, it was a place of security, belonging and comfort. Mother and daddy worked hard and instilled in us a strong work ethic, honesty and obedience. These things are still important to me today.

When I think about our home, several things stand out in my memory. I will focus mostly on mother.

• She kept a neat, clean house. She was not a perfectionist, but things had their place and order. Dishes were always done, beds always made (and yes, us kids made our own), laundry was always folded and put away as soon as it was completed. At bedtime, toys, books, sewing or whatever we were doing was put in its place. We went to bed with a picked-up house.
• Mother operated on a schedule-daddy had a lot of influence in that:
  • Monday and Wednesday: Laundry
  • Meals were at a specific time. Daddy seldom was late.
  • Bedtime.
  • Saturdays we cleaned and polished our shoes.
  • Spring-cleaning, fall cleaning.
  • Arrived at church ½ hour or more early. We were never late.
• Mother was diligent in teaching us (particularly Evelyn and I) life skills: cooking, sewing, canning, mending, making bread, gardening, butchering and the list could go on and on.
• Mother taught Evelyn and I extra creative things of homemaking such as how to crochet, quilt, make curtains, potato chips, doughnuts and candy.
• We learned a work ethic. There was time to play but also a time to work and work we did.
• Mother was active in church, teaching Sunday School and she and daddy were youth leaders for years.
• Mother loved to entertain guests and we often had Sunday company. Some of her specialty dessert dishes were cinnamon buns, chocolate ice-cream pie, caramel custard, pies, and Graham Cracker Fluff.
• I remember mother reading to us kids at bedtime in the winter. She would sit in her rocking chair, send one of us to the basement for apples which she could core, and then read while we enjoyed our treat. Incidentally, as a general rule, we did not eat between meals. But there was candy,  particularly chocolate candy in our home.

I asked mother recently what she thinks about now that she is 90. Without hesitation she said, “Heaven.” There was a pause and then she said, “the things of this earth are growing strangely dim.” She’s not there yet, just dreaming of that wonderful homegoing, and in the meantime, we are celebrating birthdays. Happy 90^th birthday, Mother. Thank you for a life well-lived, well-shared, and well-managed. But thank you most of all for a life centered on Jesus.

For those interested in our family, this post features pictures from our family get-together this weekend at Sparking Springs. This year Phil and Ev Borntrager were in charge. We had church together this morning, followed by good food and fellowship. Each family prepared something to share for the service.

Phil Borntager leading us in singing

Phil & Ev Borntrager reading scripture. (Ev was wearing a bear on her head to create interest for a later children’s event)

Melanie Neiss leading her family (following picture) in blessing us with special music.

Jake Niess with children; Kyra, Taya and Lucas.

Kendra Landis with her children; Blake, Austin and Macey singing Psalms 100, a song they created to help learn the Psalm.

(Girl in red just wanted to sit on Kendra’s lap)

Heidi Nolt with three of her children; Grace, Julianna and David saying some verses.

 Kerwin and Rhonda Borntrager with their children; Ana, Josiah,   Leah and Katie singing a song.

Mother (Fannie Heatwole) sharing some verses that are special to her.

Pat Hertzler had a children’s lesson on “Kindness”.

Gene, the pharmacist, giving a “kindness prescription” and two cards with the following verses to each child.

“A cheerful heart is good medicine but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

“Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as Christ forgave you”. Ephsians 4:32

Evelyn played some games that we as kids played when we were young: Dentist, Button button who has the button, Smelling with yardstick, Treasure hunt and New Orleans-Here I Come.

“Dentist”

“Button, button, who has the button”

Then off they went on a treasure hunt….

Then Phil read a bear story to the children and they all went out on a bear hunt.

It wasn’t long until the excited explorers came back with the bear in tow….

Daddy (Dwight Heatwole)

Micah Heatwole

Ed Heatwole

Phil Borntrager, Gene Hertzler and Micah Heatwole

Calvin Nolt

Kerwin Borntrager

Marj Heatwole

Crystal and Eric Blosser

Eileen Heatwole

Kendra Landis

Jim Landis

Mom and daughter sharing a moment; Melanie Kniss and Marj Heatwole

 Jill Hostetter, Ryan and Karla

Heidi Nolt and Nathan

Pat Hertzler singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” to Maude Heatwole…over and over and over…it was great fun and she was my friend for a long time!

Then we learned “I’m squishing up a baby bumble bee. Won’t my mama be so proud of me, I’m squishing up a baby bumble bee….”

“Ouch, he stung me….”

Ryan Hostetter and Marj Heatwole

Gene Hertzler, Obe Hostetter, Kerwin & Phil Borntrager, Dad Heatwole and Rhonda Borntrager

Nathan Nolt

Grace Nolt

And the uninvited guest who garnished some attention of the photographers in the family….

I have these cousins, well actually we are my third and a half cousins, who are very special and this afternoon I was invited to join them for a visit at their ladies annual sewing retreat as they are in the Gum Springs (my) area this year. Every year they choose a different state and location.

Back: Emily, June, Me-Pat, Julia, Polly

Front: Coleen, Margaret, Barbara

The eight gals, who I refer to as the Heatwole sisters, along with their mother who is 91, get together once a year for ten days to sew.  Yes, sew. They gather from Georgia, Texas, Delaware and Virginia with their sewing machines, irons, tables, sewing projects and set up shop at a “retreat area” to visit, laugh, reminiscence, sew, quilt and even check out a few of the local eateries and thrift stores.  Their sister, Sheila from Alabama, was not with them this year and sister-in-law, Cheryl, from Harrisonburg, came later in the week. Through out the week various daughters and granddaughters come for varying lengths of time.

Margaret, the matriarch, is very industrious for her age. She can still sew up a storm and this week was busy making potholders. Margaret’s artistic eye has been passed on to her daughters who are professional quilter designers and fabric artists.  She has painted china, many pictures and even a mural on a wall in her house. And I was impressed with her use of technology. This lady may walk with a cane but she knows how to use her ipad!

 She showed me how she made these beautiful, soft potholders. Tucked in between the layers of cloth and batting was a heat resistant sheet. She sewed lines across the pads maybe half an inch apart and then took scissors and cut the top layer of material the entire length.  After they were washed and dried the raw edges were soft and fuzzy.

June was working on finishing a Dresden Plate quilt that came from her husband’s side of the family in the late 1800’s. All the pieces were hand stitched together and in excellent condition. What a treasure to preserve this piece of family history.

Another of June’s handiwork: Hummingbird wall hanging.

I was really partial to this quilted wall hanging by June. I love photographing sunsets and this quilt was almost as pretty as the real thing!

I thought these three wall hangings by June were exquisite-and no, she will not sell them!!!!  The design pieces were laid on a background piece and stitched with a million stitches!!! There were rows and rows of machine stitches going horizontal and vertical as close together as you could stitch. The texture of these quilts begs to be lovingly touched.

Coleen is one year older than me and she was my pal when our families got together. Here she is pictured with her mother, showing the lovely pillow covers she was working on for each of her children. The brightly colored pieces of velveteen were stunning and each square was framed with fancy embroidery stitching giving it an elegant finish.

Another project of Coleen was a series of small quilts using her dad’s (on left) and father-in-law’s (on right) shirts. She plans to also do one using scraps from her mother and mother-in-law’s dresses.

Julia is an “artistic quilter” and loves to recreate a quilt from a photograph or design an abstract quilt such as the sun rays in the picture below. She is a blogger (Life As a Quilter) and has received wide-spread recognition for her handiwork.

One of Julia’s traditional quilts she is working on.

A quilt Julia is making for one of her grandsons.

Just an interesting note for the Powhatan folks…. Julia supplied the cotton seed planted in the historical garden at the courthouse a year or so ago. She and her husband raise cotton in Georgia and I wrote to her asking how we could get ahold of a few seeds. She generously gave us some!

Polly and I both share someone very special. She is grandma to little Jase (my great-nephew)  that I occasionally write about who has SMA.  One of Polly’s creative works of art was a butterfly wall quilt. It is made with lots and lots of small rectangle pieces strategically laid side by side. She also is a blogger and her writings can be read at Pollythepatchworker.

One of Polly’s projects begging to become something special.

Barbara is a quilt designer, author and teacher. She has a website, Delightful Piecing, where you can see her schedule, purchased her books and view her gallery of pictures. She was working on a beautiful soft, natural colored quilt for one of her children’s wedding.

Emily was working on a “Moo Cow” quilt using multi-sized, multi-colored bits and pieces strategically laid together to form the picture. Each tiny piece of fabric had adhesive on the back and was carefully ironed into place when she had obtained the desired look.

Another view of “Moo Cow”.

Katina, Coleen’s daughter, showing me her flannel quilt.

Several other of the next generation gals were there-but I failed to get their names. One  was working on a leaf quilt with rich, rustic fall colors and another was working on a princess dress-up outfit for her daughter.

These pictures only represent a portion of their work this week.  There were quilts folded on chairs, laid out on the floor, stashed in bags and containers under the tables. Let me tell you, these Heatwole sisters know how to quilt and how to do it fun!

Finished projects:

I snitched from their fb posts some pictures of the finished projects I have featured above. Their personal fb posts reflect many more projects and I suspect their blogs will have lots of pictures soon. Enjoy….!!!